“Well, I never really wanted to take the jab and I’ve now only got about 5 years to live with a 66% mortality rate and shit quality of life. But hey, at least being snarky about 5G and putting something on social media was worth ending my life prematurely for.”
“I applaud a man that’s never run a business and worked exclusively in government his entire career to make a tough call like this,” John Stapleton of Small Business Victoria said.
“We promote an inclusive and safe environment here at Dan Dan’s, but if you haven’t had both jabs then you aren’t welcome,” Morrison said.
Former Federal Chief Medical Officer Professor Brendan Murphy has been awarded Father of the Year for 2021. Best known for his poor response to the Covid19 pandemic which included bungling the hotel quarantine system, Professor Murphy found out about the award in the days prior to Father’s day, claiming it was a “huge and unexpected … Read more
“Lockdown has provided us an opportunity to renovate. It’s all about public health, that’s why we’re also installing a special drunken violence space up the back and easy access ramp for drink drivers in our car park.”
A spokesman for the ATO says they were currently working on ways to punish the unvaccinated and have proposed an unvaccinated tax. It is understood that several ASX200 companies have also applied for unvaccinated status.
Premier Mark McGowan was quick to dismiss criticism that was just purely bullshit theatre and said he was committed to ‘keeping WA safe.”
“I’d like to make the point again that we’re all in this together and we recognise that this is First Nations land. Except if you’re an unvaccinated Wurundjeri or Yorta Yorta, at which point you aren’t welcome.”
The Economic Zone Formerly Known as New Zealand was rocked by a mass stabbing incident by an alleged Sri Lankan migrant, which left six people in critical condition in hospital. The new directive will require all NZ Police officers to resolve violent crime and terror attacks with a hug, especially if the offender is wearing … Read more
The first EZFKAFL Grand Final in Perth will be played over a six-week period, after Premier Mark McGowan ruled players will be required to quarantine for 14 days between quarters. McGowan is also demanding that players wear masks on the field at all times and that he reserved the right to cancel the game at … Read more
Chief Health Officers in respective EZFKA states have been announced as headline acts for the 2022 Melbourne International Comedy Festival. The 2022 event, sponsored by Pfizer, will feature the best of Australia’s material from daily press conferences performed live. “It’s been non-stop comedy gold every day at 11am, so we thought why don’t we ask … Read more
“When we get to that stage, I’ll be announcing what goalposts we’ll be shifting and what freedoms will be made dependent on what booster shots are available at the time and then changing them a week later,” Andrews said.