Jacqui Lambie to quit politics at next election for board position at Pfizer
Lambie was reportedly offered 7 figures in exchange for her soul, with Satan and Pfizer CEO Albert Boula agreeing to terms with the independent earlier this year.
Satire
NSW resident unsure of which property developer to vote for in upcoming council elections
David Erikson from the North Shore, said it was a hard decision voting for which proxy of billionaire property moguls will destroy his suburb with high rise apartments and mass immigration.
Study shows COVID Marshalls and Authorised Officers should go get a fucking real job
The study, conducted by the Pay Us Protection Money Institute, found that black shirted government officials enforcing COVID mandates were essentially useless and should ‘go fuck themselves.’
Sydney man excited for mass immigration to re-commence so he can be run over on the footpath by Uber Eats riders
Mark Morrison, of Newtown, said he was delighted to see the vibrancy of excessively dangerous driving from third worlders back in the CBD and suburbs.
Sportsbet now has Michael Gunner as favourite to reveal himself as the Anti-Christ
Gunner is currently paying $1.05 after slightly nudging out Jacqui Lambie, Daniel Andrews and Scott Morrison for the top spot. Gunner’s recent unhinged performances on television this past week have him as the favourite to bring the book of revelation to reality.
New video shows Australians how to have conversations with family at Christmas who still watch Sunrise
The video, released on Youtube last night by the Corporate Media Are Fucking Cringe Assciation, is a detailed instructional to de-program your family members and stop them from listening to anything David Koch or Natalie Barr says.
Australian hospitality industry relieved as $10/hour cash-in-hand international students set to return
The struggling hospitality sector, which spent the last 18 months bending over for government mandates, is delighted that cheap imported labour is back to save the day and the EZFKA spirit of exploitation is in vogue again.
Australian journalists hold emergency talks as how best to undermine growing protests
“We’ve tried labelling them Nazis over and over again, but people can see that’s just a complete wank. God help us if they ever read about what the Bolsheviks did because it is Soviet Russia all over again.”
Matthew Guy says he’s open to selling out on pandemic legislation if crossbenchers aren’t prepared to
After winning the Controlled Opposition of the Year Award, Guy said he’s more than prepared to sell out the Victorian public and has a proven track record of doing so, as the Andrews government struggles to find a deciding vote.
Jacqui Lambie in isolation after testing positive for demonic possession
Lambie is apparently under the care of Baphomet until further notice.
Jussie Smollett tweets support for Andy Meddick
Meddick gave several versions of events on 3AW, but says his story will change as new information comes to light.
Phil Lowe enjoying another month of interest rate rise Kabuki Theatre before keeping rates on hold again
Lowe slammed suggestions that he should actually do something and confirmed that with borders re-opening negative rates aren’t needed ‘just yet.’