Satire

The long-time friend of ‘Lolita Express’ regular Bill Clinton has expressed relief as the judge sealed the records, for at least as long a period as the Wood Commission report.

Pfizer has announced they are currently in talks with Prime Minister Scott Morrison for supplying more Raid Antigen Tests as per the contract agreement.

The project, designed to placate the inner-city wanker voter base, will begin construction next year with an estimated over run and blowout cost of at least $30 billion after union fees and payments to Chicoms.

The law, being introduced by the Andrews government, will see it mandatory to under go at least two RAT’s before being considered Covid negative.

Mark Peterson left a touching suicide note for the state premier before hanging himself in his garage, citing the need to keep people safe from death from a disease they have a 99.9% chance of surviving, no matter what the cost.

Brian Normieson, of Newcastle, says taking two doses of a trial vaccine was totally worth it to not spend scheduled time with his family for the first time in two years, and be herded straight off the plane into a quarantine facility.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has stated he believes ten boosters would be the minimum requirement for Australians to be considered fully vaccinated.

Experts say the modelling, which won’t be made public, show that deaths will occur in the thousands per minute if more jabs in arms aren’t administered immediately and fear porn isn’t ratcheted right back up.

Thousands of other travellers also used the name ‘Andrew Forrest’ producing the exact same result, with Perth Airport overwhelmed with arrivals and WA Police unable to do anything.

Albanese said the only commitment he was prepared to follow through on was unlimited Indian grandmothers via the parental visa scheme, to be announced at a later date.

Michael Johnson from Sydney, stated that the only way to ‘end this draconian nightmare’ was to continue to do what he was told by public health bureaucrats and that a third year of unquestioning compliance will definitely change things for the better.

McGowan says he ‘remains committed’ to gaslighting the population, and that three months was ample time for a slew of new variants and excuses to extend the border closure beyond February.