NSW woman reports herself to COVID dob-in line after failing to report her RAT results
Newtown woman Sarah O’Neil, was taken into custody and after she ratted herself out for not uploading her RAT under new guidelines.
Satire
McGowan urges Western Australians to book ahead for their 4th, 5th and 6th booster shots to avoid overwhelming the system
McGowan, fresh off a cringe video urging Aboriginals to get vaccinated, stressed the importance of getting ahead of the curve and meeting Pfizer KPI’s.
Victorian nurse shortage due to rehearsals for Tik Tok dance routines
The arrival of the Omicron variant has significantly impacted nursing staff levels, with nurses struggling to rehearse routines and work at underwhelmed hospitals.
Albanese promises high speed rail link direct to China in election bid
Albanese stated that this would be an integral part of the Belt and Road deal. The Port of Darwin, the Port of Newcastle and Chatswood have all been listed as potential sites for an EZFKA rail hub.
Nation doesn’t give a fuck as AFLW returns
The data analysis, conducted by the Who Gives A Shit Institute, found that only a handful of people tuned in for round one and that running the season in January when there’s fuck all else on to compete with was the only reason people tuned in at all.
Study finds direct correlation with COVID testing queues and government handouts
The study, conducted by the Gibmedats Institute, found that the majority of people lining up were really lining up to put their hands in their fellow tax payers’ pockets and not their health.
Melbourne refugee advocate now loves tough immigration laws after successful, straight white male has visa cancelled
Michelle Rosenbaum, from Fitzroy, showed her ‘solidarity with Home Affairs’ and lauded the decision by Karen Andrews from her job as a volunteer at the Asylum Seeker Resource Centre.
Novak Djokovic releases new line of table salt exclusive to Victoria to commemorate Australian Open exemption
The table salt is said to contain the tears of every ALP voter in the state, harvested fresh from testing centres around the state.
History made as Australia Post hire delivery rider that isn’t Indian student working illegally
Peter Smith, who was recently let go from his other job due to jab mandates, was the first hire in over 5 years that wasn’t an Indian student breaching his visa conditions somehow.
Melbourne Greens voter looking forward to return of mass immigration so she can have third worlders deliver her food and drive her around
Self-described ‘self-loathing progressive’ Jane Smith, 34, from Northcote says she was excited for thousands of Indians and Nepalese to return and deliver her food and that any objections to the social cost of mass immigration was ‘pure racism.’
Betoota Advocate apologise for missing annual token stab at the ALP
The apology was issued after Betoota realised it went all of 2021 without an article mocking the ALP, and that the upcoming 2022 election would make it obvious to those still on the fence that they’re just an ALP mouthpiece.
Friendlyjordies, Aussie Cossack, Avi Yemeni named finalists for 2021 Grifter of the Year award
Friendlyjordies, Aussie Cossack and Avi Yemeni will wait to see who will take home the coveted award, which saw a larger than usual field this year.