Scott Morrison congratulates Klaus Schwab on his French election win
Emmanuel Macron swept to victory on Saturday night, but it was Schwab who was the real victor according to Scomo.
Satire
Australians celebrate ANZAC Day by recalling how they pussied out and bent the knee to globalist tyranny the past two years
Thousands of Australians have spent ANZAC ay 2022 vividly recalling how they disgraced those who gave the ultimate sacrifice during COVID.
Labor deny plans to introduce a carbon tax, confirm plans to introduce “I can’t believe it’s not a carbon tax”
Marles later said he and the rest of the ALP front bench were relishing opportunities to fuck up in the absence of Albo’s fuck ups.
Study finds direct correlation between positive COVID tests and ALP leaders being pussies
The study, done by the Lose the Unloseable Institute has found that ALP figureheads tend to test positive whenever under public scrutiny, with leader Anthony Albanese the latest victim.
Albanese in isolation after testing positive for elevated levels of oestrogen
The PM hopeful tested positive last night and will be off the campaign trail for a week, depending on “how much of a pussy he’s feeling like later in the week.”
Greens announce new “Anti-White Australia” immigration policy of deporting all white Australians by 2025
The plan will see the new quarantine camps built used to round up white Australians and ship them off to any country that will take them, ‘preferably non-white.’
Labor scrambling to find out who the fuck thought it was a good idea to have Albo at industry event that ALP helped destroy the past two years
“We like to market ourselves as the cool party, when in actual fact we’re just a different flavour of the same turd.”
Zali Steggall says she’ll stand up for gender equality by letting men invade women’s sports
The MP was under fire this week for suggesting opposition to transmen playing women’s sports was purely transphobia and that young women should allow themselves to be injured against men.
Victorian Commonwealth Games cancelled after realisation no athletes will be left alive to compete by then
Even free aspirin and defibrillators wasn’t enough to persuade the Commonwealth Games committee, who promptly decided to terminate the contract and save tax payers and hospitals the trouble.
Gillon McLachlan resigns from AFL to take up new board position at Australian Heart Foundation
McLachlan denied allegations that the timing of the move was nothing to do with a series of players experiencing serious heart conditions.
Bikram looking forward to preying on women again after Australia announces new Indian Yoga Instructor Visa
The first wave of Yoga Instructors are expected to commence driving Uber and fucking up deliveries for Australia Post in the next few months.
Scomo cooks curry to celebrate selling out Australian working class to India
“How good is a curry and offshoring an Australian job to India? It only tastes better when you’re bringing Indians onshore to take Australian jobs,” Morrison said in a Facebook post.