EZFKA

“I’d like to make the point again, we spent the last 18 months destroying your lives, so you should be grateful you’re getting freedoms back that aren’t ours to give back anyway.”

“If you’ve ordered a latte and it’s really a cappuccino then you will be dealt with,” Commissioner Shane Patton said.

“All we did was continually poll a bunch of frightened middle-class public servants and formulate policy off of that. What other possibility was there?”

“It’s becoming increasingly hard to stay within the monetised YouTube algorithm, while delivering ‘edgy’ takes on team red vs team blue politics. I was funny years ago, but now most intelligent people have moved on,” Shanks said.

EZFKA PM Scott Morrison and Greens’ leader Adam Bandt have announced a historic merger after realising their open borders, employment and climate policies are identical. The two parties announced the merger at the climate conference in Glasgow this morning, right after the LNP and ALP merged last month. It is also believed “The New Liberals” … Read more

“I’m delighted to facilitate the silent overthrow of the least densely populated territory in Australia, which contains a large number of our key defence facilities.”

Morrison, who is currently in the process of amending the Biosecurity Act to detain large groups of people, said the book would be censored immediately to keep the public safe.

“People still naively believe in these institutions and that anything will happen to these people, well they’d be insanely wrong,” a spokesman for IBAC said.

Senior Constable Chris Kennedy, of the Dandenong Police Station, said chronic fatigue was setting in after rounding up over 200 people in the last week and charging them for ‘incitement.’

“No-one will ever know what the real statistics are and how would you know anyway, we’ll just claim anything and repeat it a million times through the media until the midwits repeat it as gospel too.”