Liam Jones slammed for ending career before myocarditis did
Meanwhile, EZFKAFL boss Gillon McLachlan is considering a league-wide saline jab mandate to ‘avoid any on-field incidents that may cause brand damage.’
Andrews installs new ‘Countdown to Next Lockdown’ clock in Federation Square
The clock was installed to notify EZFKA units when their ‘time in the prison yard is up’ and when they will be forced to head back into house arrest. The countdown will start this Friday with many speculating as to if the lockdown will be before or just after Christmas.
“COVID vaccines must be mandated for children” says coalition of childless, middle-aged women
Annastacia Palaszczuk, Yvette D’arth, Jeanette Young and Kerry Chant have all joined forces to support jabbing kids with COVID vaccines, as soon as humanly possible.
Weekend Links 3/12-5/12
South Australia let in COVID from the ponzi states this week, but only to the fully vaccinated. Notice the big yellow bar on the right of the graph. Pass the popcorn! https://thewest.com.au/news/sas-covid-19-cases-jump-dramatically-more-than-one-week-after-borders-open-c-4787196 As we all know, the vaccine isn’t very good at preventing infection. This paper says there is a reduction in the infection rate … Read more
Virginia Trioli suffers nervous breakdown after largest protests ever weren’t for one of her bullshit progressive ABC causes
Trioli will remain off-air for the week after several patronising outbursts on Twitter in relation to the protests drove her over the edge.
‘Political violence is unacceptable’ says government shooting protestors over political beliefs
Andrews called protestors extremists, despite months of Victoria Police-led bashings, shootings and general violence and arrests of political dissent.
Australian media disappointed they can’t blame Waukesha attack on guns
Stenographers from across the media have lashed out on Twitter, saying they’re disappointed that they weren’t able to go on yet another insufferable, bullshit tirade about ‘Americans and Guns’ and that they’ll be praying for another mass casualty event to stand on the graves of the Port Arthur victims again.
International students looking forward to making Australian students do their group assignments for them again
As the flights to EZFKA return, foreign students say they are already looking to do fuck all and get their degrees off the backs of locals, while checking out the property market for their parents.
Sally Capp approves daily protests so someone will actually come back to the Melbourne CBD
Capp says the move will hopefully drive property prices back up to sustainable levels while international students remain outside EZFKA.
Australian scientists uncover new ‘No-one gives a fuck’ variant
The strain was uncovered right after the new Omicron variant was released last week, sending thousands of EZFKA residents back under their bed and reaching for the Depends.
New Australian study shows new COVID variants arise whenever it’s politically convenient
The study, conducted by the Cash For Comment institute, has found that the latest Omnicron variant has appeared just as protest numbers nationwide reach record numbers and Victoria is set to vote on the permanent pandemic legislation.
New A-League rule states team that has least amount of heart attacks during a game to be awarded the win
Under the new rule, teams would be allowed to forfeit if too many players collapse from heart attacks during the game, however the opposing side would be awarded the win and the three points. Forfeit would also mean automatic elimination from the FFA Cup.