“We’ve just spent the last 18 months bankrupting everyone with complete bullshit to the point of being unable to pay your mortgage. So, here we come with the prepared solution and this is how we’ll get your house, I mean, help realise the Aussie dream.”
“It’s a huge honour for us but honestly it hasn’t been hard. We’re the most useless fucking party in all of Australia at the state level,” Guy said.
Qantas CEO Alan Joyce has announced that any passengers on it’s international services will have to submit to COVID anal swabs performed by flight attendants, every 15 minutes while onboard the flight. The move, instantly approved by Joyce, comes as the airline looks to commit economic suicide and become the next best shorting opportunity for … Read more
Melbourne Mayor Sally Capp has announced that unvaccinated individuals will be banned from entering any City of Melbourne facility and from participating in the Melbourne CBD’s economy. After footage of empty shopfronts in the Melbourne CBD circulated online, Capp defended criticism that this was retarded and essentially akin to racial segregation. “I may have spent … Read more
Reason Party MLC Fiona Patten has entered Victoria Police protection this evening, after deleting all of her social media accounts and disappearing from the internet, claiming ‘trolls.’ However, Patten is believed to have already signed the extension to the state of emergency powers, and has sought Police protection from the impending wave of pitchforks and … Read more
“He’s been the best advertisement for economic suicide of a first world nation in a generation,” President Xi Jinping said.
“Rising sea levels are the challenge of our time, just not anywhere around where I live obviously.”
The move will see Dominion voting software be used across the nation, opening the door for ‘transparency and consolidation of the uniparty vote’ in the face of growing discontent among the electorate.
“Given the actions of most Australian men the last 18 months and their tolerance of tyranny, they really have no use for them anyway,” EZFKA Prime Minister Scott Morrison said.
The Prime Minister made the announcement after National Cabinet, citing the need for further economic suicide.
The radio journalist and Andrews’ sycophant was allegedly seen leaving the daily press conference in an ambulance, with a visibly distraught Andrews seeing the ambulance off.
International relations continue to take dramatic turns following EZFKA’s decision to buy nuclear submarines from the Yanks. In the days that followed the submarine announcement, China retaliated by threatening to nuke EZFKA during any regional war. However, the responses received back was not what the Chinese had expected. On the morning following China’s threat, EZFKA … Read more