IBAC starts watering lettuces ahead of decision on ALP corruption
“People still naively believe in these institutions and that anything will happen to these people, well they’d be insanely wrong,” a spokesman for IBAC said.
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Victoria Police officer exhausted after hard day of arresting citizens for posts that hurt Dan’s feelings on social media
Senior Constable Chris Kennedy, of the Dandenong Police Station, said chronic fatigue was setting in after rounding up over 200 people in the last week and charging them for ‘incitement.’
Andrew Barr announces former Iraqi information minister as new vaccine spokesperson after ACT reaches 250% first dose
“No-one will ever know what the real statistics are and how would you know anyway, we’ll just claim anything and repeat it a million times through the media until the midwits repeat it as gospel too.”
Poll finds vaccinated Australians now more insufferable than vegans, crossfitters and cyclists
“Never have we seen so many people needing peer validation for undergoing a medical procedure. Want to know if they’ve been vaccinated? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you,” Dr Nick Berenson said.
Andrews resigns as Premier after IBAC issues subpoena for staircase to testify at hearing
The staircase also known as John, which Andrews claims he slipped on and caused his six-month absence from politics, was issued the subpoena last night and has agreed to go on record before IBAC.
Victorian ALP’s corruption slammed for ‘not being diverse enough’
“We only saw blatant corruption activities from Indians, Cambodians and Vietnamese. This is clearly discriminatory to all other migrant groups,” Diversity Council CEO Ben Schafer said.
Kerry Chant isolating in hell after testing positive to demonic possession
“Kerry really gave the game away when she muttered New World Order at the press conference a few weeks ago,” Premier Dominic Perrottet said.
“Prostitute to Political Prostitute” – Fiona Patten releases new tell-all autobiography
“It’s a tell-all book from my journey on my knees in the dark rooms of Fyshick to being on my knees worshipping the dark lord in Spring Street,” Patten said.
Daniel Andrews hires Harvey Weinstein as face of new “No Jab, No Job” vaccine campaign
Coming off the back of it’s cringey “Mask Up and Melbourne On” campaign, the convicted rapist will star in a series of ads urging Victorians to disrobe and insert something into their bodies against their will in order to feed their families.
Men of Faith: Morrison, Perrottet helping Australia realise Revelation 13:17
“We’re proud to announce that no man may buy or sell, save he who have the mark of the vaccine passport,” Morrison said.
“Australian vaccine statistics are completely legitimate” says country running million-dollar lottery begging people to get vaccinated
EZFKA Health Minister Greg Hunt has announced a million-dollar lottery with a “no jab, no ticket” entry, begging Australians to get vaccinated. Hunt has denied accusations that the vaccination statistics are massively inflated and that a million-dollar lottery to get vaccinated was not proof the the whole thing was a sham. “We’ve been very successful … Read more
Tim Pallas announces Black Rock and Vanguard as sponsors of Victorian Home Equity Sharing program
“We’ve just spent the last 18 months bankrupting everyone with complete bullshit to the point of being unable to pay your mortgage. So, here we come with the prepared solution and this is how we’ll get your house, I mean, help realise the Aussie dream.”