Satire

Victorians will be required to subscribe to the monthly service through the Service Victoria app as well as ensure their booster shots are current.

The globalist organisation declared war on Australia in the early 1970’s and finally celebrated victory after a hard fought, 50-year plus subversion campaign.

Dubbed a ’21st digital version’ of Soviet Russia’s internal pasport system, Victorians the state over were celebrating showing their papers just to access basic services.

Bunnings, Mitre 10 and other hardware stores reported queues to buy rope and timber had stretched out the door after the announcement. regional Queensland and Western Australia were particularly hardest hit.

Photos of the WA Premier outside a payphone in Rockingham surfaced online last night and the Premier has denied allegations that it was at the same time the threats were called in.

Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews is reportedly upset about the odds and has vowed to double down until the award is announced in late December.

Claims of ‘right-wing extremism’ and a rise in ‘angry, anti-government rhetoric online’ has caused concern for authoritarians across the nation, with calls from security contract lobbyists for added protection for MP’s.

Wentworth Liberal MP and former ambassador to Israel Dave Sharma welcomed the study’s findings, saying it will help him to ‘solidify his already burgeoning share portfolio.’

Victorian Governor Linda Dessau has been reported missing to Victoria Police, after not being seen in 18 months while the Andrews government turns into Romania 2.0

“I think we can put to bed that whole ‘rugged Aussie bloke’ stereotype that questions authority, which is really only found in regional parts of Qld and WA these days. Most of them have turned into effeminate soft cocks who will do what they’re told by some public servant, at the drop of a hat.”

Citizens broke out into panic and confusion, with many unable to breathe or put one foot in front of the other. Already overwhelmed hospitals were overwhelmed with injuries from those that fell over from forgetting how to walk.

John Howard said he was concerned with the study and will look at ways to increase further fear of firearms, including a ‘potential Port Arthur 2.0.’