Timbo
Property prices in Sydney have exploded to all-time highs after China launched a nuclear first strike on the east coast EZFKA city. After both countries traded firey rhetoric all week, China finally called Australia’s bluff and launched a first strike against Australia’s most populous city. Minutes after the ICBM impacted downtown Sydney, Domain recorded a … Read more
Greens Senator Mehreen Faruqi has timed the release of her new book “Too Migrant, Too Muslim, Too Loud” to perfection it seems as supermarkets across Melbourne have reported it sold out, as toilet paper shortages return to the EZFKA city. Coles and Woolworths have reported that sales of the book have been through the roof … Read more
Acting Victorian Premier James Merlino has stated that arbitrary lockdowns targeting the middle class will continue, until enough Victorians submit to experimental COVID vaccines. In the face of Victoria’s imploding economy, Merlino has stated that Victoria’s small businesses will be wearing the brunt of the losses if there is no uptake in vaccines. “As the … Read more
EZFKA Prime Minister Scott Morrison has stated that Australians will require regular vaccine updates for all 204 countries and variants of COVID, as they arise. With new COVID threats emerging every week, the Prime Minister has found innovative new ways to get on top of it in spite of hotel quarantine and get Aussies lining … Read more
A new study has found that construction workers in the EZFKA city of Melbourne are completely immune to COVID during lockdowns. The study, conducted by the Lowy Institute and Property Council of Australia, found that tradies working on construction sites wearing high visibility clothing were 100% immune to all strains of COVID. Acting Premier James … Read more
A Perth man has bravely come out from under his bed to see if the danger from the deadly COVID virus has subsided. John Morrison, 35 from Fremantle, went outside from under his bed for the first time in months to see if the danger had subsided. “Mate, Sunrise was telling me how deadly it … Read more
WA Premier Mark McGowan says at least 400,000 one bedroom apartments are needed to reboot the EZFKA state’s economy. McGowan stated that being reliant on the iron ore price was not a sound strategy and that eventually Perth would need to get with the times and fully embrace the real estate ponzi from the East … Read more
A Victorian government employee has won the coveted Victorian “Snitch of the Year” award for 2020, for his outstanding work shutting down businesses failing to comply with QR code check-ins. David Goldberg, an employee with the Victorian DHHS, was celebrated for shutting down over 105 businesses during 2020 lockdowns that failed to enforce the controversial … Read more
Residents of the EZFKA state of Victoria have started moving en masse to North Korea in a bid to escape continual lockdowns and arbitrary restrictions from COVID regulations. Melbourne in particular has experienced a mass exodus of former residents heading for North Korea, who have stated that they are hoping to experience some freedom and … Read more
Former Australian cricketer Michael Slater has blasted Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s flight ban from India, while on a conference call from a five-star resort in the Maldives. Slater, who had been in India for the now cancelled IPL along with other Australian cricketers, was unable to get a flight home to Australia and was forced … Read more
WA Premier Mark McGowan says best way to prevent future lockdowns is to use more private security, with a continued preference for Indian international students. After a near-miss from a returning traveller from an Indian wedding, the second lockdown in WA was caused by an international student working a second job as an Uber driver … Read more
