Timbo

A breakthrough study has found that turning off Australian mainstream media outlets permanently solves COVID and has called for the lifting of all restrictions immediately. The study, conducted by the Institute of Non-Globalist Shitcunts, found that turning off Australian TV, radio and not reading corporate newspapers has a 100% efficacy on symptoms of COVID and … Read more

WA Premier Mark McGowan has locked down WA again, after evidence the Delta Echo Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Super Mega Purple Monkey Dishwasher has been discovered in a wastewater treatment plant. The discovery was made last night and has resulted in the entire state being locked down, with restrictions happening from tonight. McGowan said the discovery … Read more

The Economic Zone Formerly Known As Australia is facing a critical shortage of conspiracy theories, as more and more of them begin to come true. As lockdowns, QR code surveillance, masks and mandatory but not mandatory vaccinations proliferate, the Morrison government was concerned that the gap between conspiracy theory and fact was now down to … Read more

EZFKA’s newest non-ATO recognised religious organisation has really come to the fore since March 2020 – the Church of Branch Covidians. Which flavour of COVID Kool-Aid do you most identify with? The Vaccine Worshipper: Trademark catchphrase of “I want the Pfizer vaccine and not the AstraZeneca one” because blood clots. According to her, there’s absolutely … Read more

The Morrison government is understood to be in talks to introduce a new type of visa to EZFKA, that would allow migrants with no legal case but can run a convincing sob story, to stay in the country. The idea has been floated in the wake of the Tamil family saga, currently being saturated across … Read more

Exclusive: Victorian CMO Brett Sutton has given reporters an exclusive look at the supercomputer responsible for generating superfluous reasoning for ongoing lockdowns in Victoria. The supercomputer, alluded to by Premier Daniel Andrews last year and developed in conjunction with the CCP, generates random names for COVID strains and calculates just how many cases are needed … Read more

“We take a look into the future of what EZFKA will potentially look like at the end of the decade” A man in the EZFKA city of Sydney has been fined 100,000 social credit points, after missing his mandated monthly COVID jab. Luke Forrester, of the EZFKA subregion of Erina, realised he had not had … Read more

Property prices in Sydney have exploded to all-time highs after China launched a nuclear first strike on the east coast EZFKA city. After both countries traded firey rhetoric all week, China finally called Australia’s bluff and launched a first strike against Australia’s most populous city. Minutes after the ICBM impacted downtown Sydney, Domain recorded a … Read more

Greens Senator Mehreen Faruqi has timed the release of her new book “Too Migrant, Too Muslim, Too Loud” to perfection it seems as supermarkets across Melbourne have reported it sold out, as toilet paper shortages return to the EZFKA city. Coles and Woolworths have reported that sales of the book have been through the roof … Read more

Acting Victorian Premier James Merlino has stated that arbitrary lockdowns targeting the middle class will continue, until enough Victorians submit to experimental COVID vaccines. In the face of Victoria’s imploding economy, Merlino has stated that Victoria’s small businesses will be wearing the brunt of the losses if there is no uptake in vaccines. “As the … Read more

EZFKA Prime Minister Scott Morrison has stated that Australians will require regular vaccine updates for all 204 countries and variants of COVID, as they arise. With new COVID threats emerging every week, the Prime Minister has found innovative new ways to get on top of it in spite of hotel quarantine and get Aussies lining … Read more

A new study has found that construction workers in the EZFKA city of Melbourne are completely immune to COVID during lockdowns. The study, conducted by the Lowy Institute and Property Council of Australia, found that tradies working on construction sites wearing high visibility clothing were 100% immune to all strains of COVID. Acting Premier James … Read more