Timbo

A Freedom of Information request has revealed that 95% of the calls to the COVID dob in line in NSW were to report Chief Health Officer Dr Kerry Chant, on the basis of being full of shit. The FOI data, revealed by Smith and Jones Lawyers, showed that the NSW Police hotline was flooded with … Read more

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has vowed not to bow to China, after several cyber attacks on Australian institutions last week are believed to have originated from China. However, in the wake of a Chinese surveillance ship spying on Aussie troops, Morrison defended criticisms that he was turning Australia into China and stated that it was … Read more

Small businesses around Australia have opened up immediately in defiance of lockdown, after identifying themselves as Black Lives Matter protests. Business owners across Australia have declared that they stand in support of Black Lives Matter and have opened their doors immediately, with no objection from state governments or Police. Businesses have posted the Mark of … Read more

The study, conducted by the Institute for Based Australians, has also confirmed that the average IQ in Australia has dropped at least 20 points in the last five years and almost none of the 2 million plus vaccinated are familiar with the concept of history.

A poll has found that Australians overwhelmingly support mainstream media journalists being made permanently non-essential. The poll, conducted by the Institute for Based Australians, found that 85% of Australians with IQ’s over 105 overwhelmingly support making mainstream media journalists permanently non-essential during and after the COVID19 pandemic. “Whether it’s Jon Faine deepthroating Daniel Andrews in … Read more

A new study has found a direct correlation between Australian lockdowns and the expiration dates of state of emergency powers. The study, from the Institute of Non-Globalist Shitcunts, has found that lockdowns always occur when state of emergency powers are due to expire or when significant holidays are about to commence. “We’ve found that state … Read more

A Victorian public sector worker in Brunswick has bravely shown solidarity with locked down Victorians on Twitter last night. After the fifth lockdown in the state of Victoria announced yesterday, Department of Health VPS6 executive manager Jane Davidson took to Twitter to show her support for Daniel Andrews from the comfort of her living room. … Read more

Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has announced that the upcoming quarantine facility to be built outside Melbourne, will be named “Glorious Linfox Centre For COVID Re-Education Through Hard Labour” The deal comes as lockdowns rage throughout Australia. The new facility will house “anti-vaxxers, returning citizens and anyone having political opinions not reflective of a fair, diverse … Read more

COVID Commander Lieutenant John Frewen has announced that summary executions will take place should Australians refuse the COVID vaccine. “We call it the Aussie version of the Escobar doctrine – plata o plomo. But this time it’s graphene oxide in place of the silver,” Frewen said. “Australians haven’t read the recent legislation in WA and … Read more

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has announced that Australians that refuse to take a COVID vaccine or get a vaccine passport will be issued a “Star of COVID” as a raft of globally co-ordinated measures hit Australia. The move comes after many Australians have refused to take the vaccine, citing numerous safety concerns, blatant coercion and … Read more

Health Minister Greg Hunt has denied accusations that his vaccine uptake statistics are completely made up, after claiming 4 trillion Australians were vaccinated yesterday. The Minister stated the numbers were 560% accurate and that no inflation of statistics or deceptiveness, such as the difference between offering vaccines in aged care and taking them, had occurred. … Read more