Timbo

“I’m out of here mate. It’s a shithole and I didn’t think it would be worse than Geelong. Afghanistan will at least let us out past 9pm and won’t ram woke identity politics down my throat,” he said.

A man in the EZFKA city of Melbourne has stated that he’d much prefer to wait for Pfizer’s vaccine and Myocarditis, rather than risk it with blood clots from the Astra Zeneca. Drawing inspiration from Newscorp journalist Georgie Parker earlier in the week, David O’Reilly, 56, from Malvern said that he was not going to … Read more

A Melbourne man who voted for Dan Andrews has expressed his regret while watching the latest press conference on TV, where Andrews labelled behaviour of people in Richmond and Caufield as “shitty choices.” Robbo, 27, expressed his remorse from his couch, at electing a career bureaucrat drunk on power who is essentially ushering in “Weimar … Read more

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has told the Australian public that they should seek health advice on vaccines from their doctor, despite growing rates of vaccine resistance. However, a document made public this week showed that the Australian Health Practitioners Regulatory Authority has silenced all doctors in Australia from dissenting views and threatened to deregister anyone … Read more

Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has said that Victorians will get their freedoms bac,k as soon as they give up the few remaining ones they have. The Premier gave a terse press conference where he said that he may have to implement measures such as total bans on bodily movement, drinking water and ‘inhalation of any … Read more

Carpenters in the EZFKA region of Victoria are reporting overwhelming business inquiries for front door stair installation, after Premier Daniel Andrews threatened to ‘not hesitate’ about going ‘door to door’ to enforce vaccinations. The Premier made several passive aggressive threats in a press conference on Friday, saying he would not hesitate going door to door … Read more

Residents in the EZFKA city of Sydney have launched Operation Go Fuck Yourself, in response to NSW Government’s Operation Stay at Home and threats of fines and arrests. The operation has been launched in response to the NSW Government’s mask off declaration that none of what was happening was in response to public health, and … Read more

WA Premier Mark McGowan was rushed to St John of God Hospital with severe rectal bleeding last night, after massive blood loss from a series of papercuts from using the Australian Constitution as toilet paper. The Premier is believed to be in a serious but stable condition, but was rushed to hospital soon after the … Read more

The study, conducted by the Institute for Global Gaslighting, also found that Police, public servants and the entire Australian Capital Territory mysteriously remained completely unaffected by COVID despite being the deadliest pandemic of all-time.

The world’s largest investment fund, which has already been active buying up US residential real estate, is looking to pounce on distressed Australian assets and that the only way to do that was with further lockdowns.

NSW Police Commissioner Mick Fuller has defended claims that he’s destroying the middle class by enforcing CHO directions, after record numbers of small businesses were forced to close last week, sending thousands to the unemployment line.