Timbo

The table salt is said to contain the tears of every ALP voter in the state, harvested fresh from testing centres around the state.

Peter Smith, who was recently let go from his other job due to jab mandates, was the first hire in over 5 years that wasn’t an Indian student breaching his visa conditions somehow.

Self-described ‘self-loathing progressive’ Jane Smith, 34, from Northcote says she was excited for thousands of Indians and Nepalese to return and deliver her food and that any objections to the social cost of mass immigration was ‘pure racism.’

Mark Peterson left a touching suicide note for the state premier before hanging himself in his garage, citing the need to keep people safe from death from a disease they have a 99.9% chance of surviving, no matter what the cost.

Thousands of other travellers also used the name ‘Andrew Forrest’ producing the exact same result, with Perth Airport overwhelmed with arrivals and WA Police unable to do anything.

Hawke will also be providing access to QR code check-in data to Indian students as part of the agreement, for data mining purposes.

OMCG groups have reportedly already begun investing in shipping containers despite a global shortage.

Suspicions were raised when Albanese and Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews were photographed having a barbeque with steaks that appeared completely uncooked.

Chris Webb, a 14-year veteran of Fairfax, was terminated after being unable to write an article blaming ‘neo-nazi white supremacists’ for rising property prices during the COVID pandemic.

Morrison said the new legislation will go that one step further and that ‘private companies can do anything we want them to for our mutual benefit.’