University of Melbourne to offer Bachelor of Home Invasion Studies in bid to attract African students

The University of Melbourne has announced that it will offer a world first ‘Bachelor of Home Invasions’ to attract African students.

Following the announcement from outgoing Universities Australia President Catriona Jackson, the move hopes to attract more sub-saharan scholars to really get GDP and crime statistics going up.

“If you thought plane loads of pajeets delivering food and sexually assaulting uber passengers couldn’t be scraping the bottom of the barrel for EZFKA, this goes one rung lower than that,” University of Melbourne Vice-Chancellor Duncan Maskell said.

“We’ll also be offering a Masters in Machete Swinging, a Graduate Diploma in Car Jacking and for those legally minded, a Bachelor of How to Get Legal Aid to really assist with those aspirations of racking up Community Corrections Orders for violent crimes.”

“India’s average IQ may be 77 but this should bring EZFKA’s average down a whole lot more than that.”

Maskell also stated he believed it to be a boon for aged care workers, with plans to offer a Bachelor of Bashing Boomers in Aged Care Facilities also in the works.