Read a quip by Coming re: Tasmania, and everyone being max 2 degrees of separation, and thought maybe we can exchange some of our favourite insensitive jokes. Certified to offend, as humour was supposed to be back in the day.
What do you think? Politics, religion, family, anything goes.
Or is it too risky?
I’ll start first in comments.
So, a catholic priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, when they come up to a sand pit with a little boy playing in it.
P: Let’s go fuck that boy!
R: Sounds good, but out of what?
A wedding in rural Alabama (or Tassie with a few cultural differences).
The newlyweds finally get into their pick-up truck and ride off to their double-wide mobile home that just had a set of brand-new tyres bought for it.
Next day, the groom comes over to visit his parents, alone.
P: Boy, where is that wife of yours?
G: Momma, Daddy, I had to kill her.
P: Boy, but why?
G: She turned out to be a virgin!
P: Boy, we don’t blame you. If she wasn’t good enough for her own family, she ain’t good enough for you!
When those get a divorce, what’s the first question they usually ask?
Now that they are not a husband and a wife any more, do they remain a brother and a sister?
What doesn’t buzz and doesn’t fit in your ass?
A Russian ass-buzzer
Brevity is the soul of wit
I feel as unwitty atm
Yeah, I don’t get it.
I think the point being that all things Russian are defective, right down to their arse buzzers.
yep, domestic sense there but what-for’s the reference to a “non fitment” in the intended ara of fitment?
very good topic for a post.
I can’t ever remember any jokes myself. And when I do, my delivery is rubbish.
so I’ll just watch on here!
All hang the head in shame to the queen that decides the jokes are too much!
Seriously, ths is your blog, so if I’m stepping over the line, do let me know.
On a sinking ship, the Anglican priest says “What shall we do with the children?” The Rabbi replies “Fuck the children” and the Catholic Priest says “Ooohhhh…do you think we have time to?”
If you want laughs, you can have a look at Fishing72 triggering the shit out of MB’s resident simps drsmithy and dennis over a comment about Albo.
https://www.macrobusiness.com.au/2022/08/beijings-solomons-coup-advances-as-albo-grovels/#comments
So triggered lol
Its like a bunch of 15 year old girl’s intellectualising.
That clown dennis is the smuggest, most self righteous, pompous and bitchiest girly-man I’ve ever run across in many years tooling around the intertubes. He’s the definition of the pissweak keyboard commando.
I initially thought the guy (?) was just an inflammatory troll but he’s legit serious .
Mentally ill at the minimum.
Good to see some other like-minds over on Macrobusines – e.g. “Ivan” in response to the triggered wokesters.
“Thoroughly enjoying this thread, enjoying the humourless wokes getting a serve. Best laugh I’ve had for ages.”
This post is seemingly interesting but don’t get excited as a cardinal in an orphanage
+ droll
So, this vet is sitting in his office, and this well-built african dude walks in, and he has a parrot on his shoulder.
The dude is ripped. Has muscles that some never heard of. Tall, dark and handsome, the dream.
And the parrot is full of colour, its beak is strong and properly crooked, the best specimen he has ever saw.
And the vet, being quite the bird lover, exclaims, “that is the most beautiful specimen that i have ever seen! Where did you get it?”
And parrot goes, “In Africa, there are millions of them!”
Mates dad used to tell me if I wanted to get a blow job to splash a bit of metho on my penis and head down to Musgrave park.
There was a lot of grumbling when the $1 note was replaced by the $1 coin.
Some people just don’t like change.
After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me. She said “You may not feel anything from the waist down.”
“Fair enough,” I replied, and felt her breasts.
A farmer buys a young cock – calls him “Little Red”.
As soon as he gets home the little rooster bonks all 150 of the farmer’s hens. The farmer is impressed… “This might be good for business”.
At lunch, “Little Red” does it again and knocks-off all 150 hens… “Sheez, this is impressive” says the farmer.
Shocked but amused, the farmer renames him, with a chuckle to “Little Red Rootin’ Rooster”.
Next day “Little Red Rootin’ Rooster” has dealt with the hens again, then the ducks and all the geese too… to the extent that half of them are DEAD.
The farmer is furious and decides to kill the insatiable little cock, and so grabs his shotgun setting off on a search for “Little Red Rootin’ Rooster”.
Eventually, he finds “Little Red Rootin’ Rooster” lying on the ground, facing the overhead sun, lifeless… a committee of vultures is circling overhead, getting lower and lower….
Farmer yells out, “It’s a shame, and in some ways I admire your spirit and stamina… but you deserved to die… you horny little bastard!”
Suddenly, rooster opens one eye, turning it to the farmer, and hisses…
“Shhhhhh, They’re about to land!!!”
https://www.newsweek.com/russia-putin-kremlin-mother-heroine-1734361
Does this qualify as a political joke?
Wind-augmentation has been on the drawing-table for quite a while now.
E.g. https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg18524881-600-the-new-age-of-sail/
Rumour has it that they are planning to fit these innovative new vessels with high-tech weaponry.
This appears to be confirmed by photos recently smuggled out of Ukraine that purport to show the Ukrainian Navy using one of these futuristic vessels to sink the Russian cruiser “Moskva” in the Black Sea.
What will they think of next??
Classic. You can be in my Ministry when we take over this farked-up joint.
.
I decided to spice up my sex life. Now when I climax I shout “I’m Cumin, I’m Cumin”.
I hate people who have no toes.
Yes, I’m lack-toes intolerant.
A spider ran into the bathroom last night and yelled *allan’s snackbar* and went off.
It was a jihadi longlegs.
Policeman pulls over a guy who had an alpaca in the front seat and said “Sir you can’t drive around with an alpaca, take it to the petting zoo”.
Man replied “Will do officer”.
Next day the cop finds the guy again with the alpaca in the front seat. Cop goes “WTF I said take it to the petting zoo!”
Guy goes “I did stooge, now I’m taking her to the movies”.
What’s red with wheels?
A menstrual cycle.
OK I’m sorry about that one, jokes about menstruation are just not acceptable. Period.
Lol
I met an African girl and we just clicked
lol
The headmaster told me my son was thrown out of his Maths lesson because he refused to write down any number made up of 1s and 0s.
I had to explain it’s because he now identifies as non-binary.
Man to a very beautiful Air Hostess: Whats your name?
Air Hostess: Eva Benz..
Man: Lovely name .. Any relation to Mercedes Benz?
Air Hostess: (Smiling) Maintenance cost is the same..
What do you do if your epileptic friend is having a fit in the bath … throw in the washing
That’s one of the best for me!
I was about to re-marry my ex-wife until she figured out I was only after my money.
https://twitter.com/chaser/status/1560199401133395968
Quality trolling!
Why does an Ethopian baby boy cry?
He is having a mid-life crisis
What’s the name of a woman with one leg longer than the other?
Aileen
What is the name of a Lebanese man in a police lineup?
Wasim
A guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office with no clothes on, and he’s wrapped his balls in glad wrap.
“I can clearly see you’re nuts” says the Doc.
I was at the bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one person in front of me, a little Chinese lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, “Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?”
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations.”
The Chinese lady says, “Fluc you white people too!”