China threatens nuclear attack- EZFKA citizens start calling Chinese embassy to suggest targets

International relations continue to take dramatic turns following EZFKA’s decision to buy nuclear submarines from the Yanks. In the days that followed the submarine announcement, China retaliated by threatening to nuke EZFKA during any regional war. However, the responses received back was not what the Chinese had expected.

On the morning following China’s threat, EZFKA citizens started calling the Chinese embassy and recommending targets for a nuclear strike. The three most popular targets suggested were Parliament Drive in Canberra, a building on Spring Street in Melbourne and another building on Macquarie Street in Sydney.

Chinese ambassador Mr. Kan Ton was interviewed by an SBS reporter and said “It was really quite shocking. I was in the embassy kitchen at the time and about to add pineapple to the sweet n sour chicken for breakfast. Then suddenly, I hear a commotion coming from the Huawei room. I walked in there and all the phones were ringing like they do when the spyware has a run-time error. But there was no spyware error? It was EZFKA citizens calling in nuclear attack targets! My comrade was so surprised that he looked like he was about to faint. I yelled out to the the girl standing next to him ‘Quick, Fa Kin hold Mi Wang! Fa Kin hold Mi Wang!’. But Fa Kin, she no understand and Mi Wang banged the table corner really hard.”

“Some of the targets called in by EZFKA citizens were well know to us but others were not? Many callers wanted us to hit a building in a place called ‘Mulgrave’. I said to a caller ‘This is Canberra, I do not know where Mulgrave is? Sounds like a place worse than Ürümqi.’ So then I called the Consul General in Melbourne, Mr. Long Dōng, and he said to me ‘We know where the Mulgrave building is! That’s where we send Mr. Ka Ching each week to deliver the brown paper bag!’ After that I knew the place but I also knew that Mr. Xi would be very unhappy if we hit that one… very, very, very unhappy. He might even throw his honey pot out of the cot.’”

Mick, one of the citizens who dialled the embassy was asked why he called in? “Well, when I heard they were planning on nuking us I was initially angry but then I though some good might come of it so long as they do it right. Besides I know they’ll be careful because they won’t want to damage their investment properties. I don’t want to be greedy or anything either – they can keep the big nukes for the Yank carrier groups but hopefully they can spare a few of the 1 or 2 kiloton jobbies? Something like a M-29 Davy Crockett or whatever it’s called in Chinese. Don’t they have a frontier hero who wore a pangolin hat or something?”

The Keynesians at EZFKA treasury were initially appalled by the idea but once they realised how many broken windows would need to be repaired they were all for it.